Absence from Work
From: Bill Hindin
Date: 97-29-12 17:57:26 EDT
Subject:How's this one??
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices
me to clean all the guns today.
- When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac.
can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back
hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum
reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the
only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi)
in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a
up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have
deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you?
no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me
restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
- I prefer to remain an enigma.
My step other has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her
coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace.
should do it.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house
completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter
- I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter
I insist on paying my fair share.
I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!
[Gee, some of these don't sound so "true" to me!!! :-) ]
Absence from School
EXCUSES ACTUALLY RECEIVED BY TEACHERS
- Irving was absent this morning becarse he missed his bust.
- Dear School: Please accuse John for being absent on January 28, 29, 30,
31, 32, also 33.
- Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in with gramps.
- I had to keep Billie home because she ad to go Christmas shopping because I didn't know what size she wear.
- Please execute Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
- Mary could not come to school because she was bothered by very close veins.
- Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
- John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
- Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
- Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
- My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fisical ed. Please execute him.
- Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
- My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with the Marine's.
- Please excuse Joyce from P7E for a few days. Yesterday she fell of a tree and misplaced her hip.
- Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
- Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
- Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat,
headache, and upset stomache. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be the flu going around school, her father even got hot last night.
- Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sore trout.
- Please execute Wayne for being out yesterday, because he had the fuel.
- Please excuse Sarah for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
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